Today, I made a bowl of Dino Mac-n-Cheese and put it on my neighbor’s front steps with a note asking her if she’d like to get together. I rang the doorbell and ran away. I woke up to a plate of Dino chicken nuggets on my back porch with a note saying yes. Soul mates.

While packing in preparation for a move, I found an old box from when we moved last time. Inside it, above everything else, was a $20 bill taped to the top of something, and a note in my handwriting - “Twenty bucks says you forget all about me until you move again.” I just lost a bet to myself from five years ago. MLIA

Today, while walking on campus, I overheard one guy say to another, “Just go with your heart. Don’t listen to what she says. You have to go with your heart.” The other guy responded with, “Okay… well then, I’d have to say Batman is best.” I’m glad this is what is important in today’s society. MLIA

Today, a guy skipped out of my psychology class 5 minutes early. My professor silently watched him leave and then turned to the remaining 399 of us and told us an answer from the next test. He made us swear not to tell the kid. MLIA

Today, I was talking to my new girlfriend. She just got out of a really bad relationship so we decided to tell each other the most important things about each other. When we were done, she looked seriously into my eyes and said “Pirates or ninjas?” I’m going to marry her. MLIA

Today, I just remembered that I had doodled a stickman ninja on the final draft of my essay. When I got it back, I found my teacher had scribbled a pirate stabbing the ninja in the back. I just turned in my next essay. I want to see how she’ll beat my robot. MLIA

Today, I had a banana with my breakfast. On the peel I discovered a sticker which instructed, “Place sticker on forehead. Smile.” I obeyed immediately. MLIA

Today, I was driving when this jerk cut me off. I wanted to honk my horn at him but for some reason I don’t like honking my horn at people. The driver next to me looked me right in the eye then honked at the guy that cut me off and smiled. I’m glad others will do my dirty work for me. MLIA

Today, I got pulled over for speeding. When he got to my car he said, “I’ve been waiting all day to pull someone over.” I said, “Well I got here as fast as I could.” He laughed for about five minutes, then gave me a ticket. MLIA